shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
