I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
