Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
