I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Damn victory sex feels great
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
