There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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