he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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