oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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