OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
