i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
