and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
