I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
