Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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