so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
