You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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