Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
