Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
