ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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