If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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