if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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