I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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