Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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