The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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