walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
