Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
