I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
