I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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