he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
