so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
