yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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