In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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