Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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