Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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