so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
