porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
