then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
