Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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