Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
