This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
