I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
