Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
