If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
