New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
