Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
