What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
