You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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