did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
