Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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