Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
