i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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