At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
where are my eyebrows?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
